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Monday, December 6, 2010

Homesick for Azerbaijan

As of today I've been COS'd for 2 months (Close of Service= our official separation date from service in the US Peace Corps.) To be honest, it's felt like six months instead of two. There are a mix of things that are going well, and then those that still frustrate me beyond belief. As for the good, Farid has officially been recognized as a permanent resident of the US. He has a green card in hand now, a bank account, and a social security number. Waiting for these felt like an eternity, as it can be hard to prove you exist without any ties. He has started his job, and has even begun to learn how to drive. Yes, he passed his written exam for his drivers permit! We've had two big holidays with the family (Halloween and Thanksgiving) and have enjoyed spending time with family and some close friends.
One thing about being a Peace Corps volunteer that is really difficult for volunteers is that we give up so much when we go to our countries of service. We spend so much of our time talking about America, that it makes us miss the little things... washing machines, dish washers, hot showers on demand, hot showers daily, television in English, driving a car, and food, food, food! We begin to idolize how great life is in America. Like any place, once you leave and go somewhere else, you begin to forget the faults. I find I'm having a bit of "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome now that I'm back. I find I miss so many little things about Azerbaijan that I'm feeling frustrated adjusting to life in the US. I often feel out of place here now that I've spent so long overseas.
I miss the cheap fresh produce every day. I miss the rusty, old, ridiculously fast driving public transportation that took me anywhere I wished to go in the city for only .20 qepik. I miss having an apartment of my own where I was able to live without worrying about other people around us all the time. I miss having a job, a place to go where I feel valuable, and feel like my work is important and means something. I miss my boss and my counterparts at work. I miss having someplace to go every day. I miss my friends, who I could always count on hearing from someone every day whether Azerbaijani or site mate. I miss feeling connected to my community.
We haven't even been home for a full two months yet, but it feels like so long since that life. I find I am dreaming about Azerbaijan and people I knew there. It makes me realize that readjusting to life in the US means that I will have to adjust so much more than where I live and what I do on a daily basis. I'm still in the process of looking for a job that will even bring a fraction of joy and inspiration to my life the way that my Peace Corps job did. After having been gone for three years and four months, I find that America has changed so much since I left. The economy is worse than what I had heard, particularly in the area I'm in now. Many of the jobs that are available are in retail, and even those are competitive to get. Farid has had to take a position in retail, and on the dreaded grave yard shift in order to help us not completely drain our checking account. I've applied to a lot of different higher education institutions, and am hoping that even one in my area will pan out for me. Everyone keeps saying to be patient, but I don't like feeling useless. I've never been out of work this long before, it's a new experience for me.
Sometimes we here in America tend to think that life is so much better here than it is in other places. We have so much stuff, that we feel like we have the ideal lifestyle given the alternatives. Honestly, I felt, and still do, that life in Azerbaijan was more simple. It gave me a chance to learn to love my job, figure out what my passions are, and gave me a chance to enjoy life and everything in it. I'm feeling a little "homesick" for Azerbaijan.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Re-adjusting

So I've been home for 2 weeks now. In that time, I've managed to apply for a ton of jobs with not one call (yet) and have had one heck of a chest cold. I've been sick from the moment I stepped off the plane, and attempted to make a doctors appointment without success... for those of you who are soon to be RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers) beware of the CorpsCare Insurance. I was told to check online for a doctor in my area, but there is not a single doctor on the list in my area, within 25 miles of my house who is still working at the numbers listed for them. I was unable to make an appointment, and have consequently become more sick than I should be. Instead, I will probably just go to a walk-in clinic if this chest cold isn't gone by the beginning of the week.

Farid got a nice scare today... He went to apply for a job on base at the language school, as he speaks 5 languages and would totally rock as a language instructor. When he got to the base, the guards in the visitors pass area told him that he didn't have a valid stamp in his visa. They told him he needed some I-94 thing stapled into his passport with the stamp. He didn't have the I-94 thing, so they wouldn't let him on post to go apply for the job. I of course panicked... you all know me, classic Rae. So I called the immigration office in Seattle. They referred me to another number. I called and explained what had been told to Farid, and the woman at the immigration office was amazingly helpful. She told me that the military guards were wrong, and that I-94 forms in a passport are used for people on NON-immigrant visas to the U.S. Farid is here on a CR-1 visa (Conditional Resident visa) and that is considered an IMMIGRANT visa. So, he doesn't need to have an I-94. The only thing he needs for work is his green card. She said not to worry, that his green card will be arriving in the next 4-6 weeks at our address, and suggested trying again once he had the actual physical green card in hand (instead of just the temporary stamp in his passport.) That of course, made me feel much better, and at the same time annoyed me that my mother and Farid had gone all the way to the base only to be told incorrect information.

We didn't get a car on Tuesday as we had hoped. The "online auction" that we hoped to buy a car through, didn't tell you until you actually bid on a car that you have to bid through a broker. They also failed to mention that a broker charges a fee for registering, a fee for bidding, and a one time fee per transaction... so approximately $600 just to buy the car through the broker. So, instead, we are going to a physical auction on Saturday night. There are 81 cars up for bid at the auction, and you don't have to pay anything to participate. I'm hoping that because it is starting to get cold, rainy, and it will be in the evening, that not too many people will go. I'd love to drive home on Saturday. So keep your fingers crossed for us! At this point anything drivable without mechanical problems would be desirable!

Aside from all that, we haven't done too much yet. I still haven't even taken Farid to Seattle... I know, I know... I suck. But, when we get a car it will be easier to show him all the great places we love about the Pacific Northwest.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Getting home was tricky... know your visa laws before you fly!

Just wanted to let you know that we finally made it home! My husband and I are finally in America. However, we had some MAJOR complications on our way home. We were fine all the way up until we arrived in Frankfurt for the last leg of our trip. Naxchivan was wonderful, and we visited with Farid's family for two days, which was perfect. Then we flew to Istanbul, which was also wonderful. We got to see Farid's brothers, and spent a lot of time just doing the tourist thing. We stayed in a little cheap hostel in the heart of the city where we were out late each night. It was fabulous, and I really enjoyed our time there even though we both had bad chest and head colds by that time.

Then we flew from Istanbul to Ankara for a short layover. That leg of the trip also went fine. Then Ankara to Frankfurt. That too went fine. However, when we got to Frankfurt, we were not able to leave the terminal were our Istanbul flight landed, and head to our boarding area for our flight to America because it had a one hour layover on the way to Seattle in Iceland. Since the flight had a layover in another European Union country, that meant it had to board in the domestic terminal. We were told that because Farid does not have a shengen visa (the European Union visa) then he can not enter Germany... after arguing something like this "we only want to go to our next flight, we don't want to enter Germany..." "But your night flight boards in the domestic flight terminal, so you have to enter Germany to get there, and you don't have a shengen visa so you can't go to your next flight." We finally found out that the only way we would be able to get home is to buy an entirely new set of tickets directly from the international terminal (US Airlines, American Airlines, or Lufthansa via United). Understandably, I was both panicked and freaked out, and crying, making a horrible scene at the airport. I was allowed to enter Germany, but Farid was not.

I went through into "Germany" aka the other side of the airport, and picked up all of our bags. Then I had to go bring them back to the transit area where Farid was waiting. This required a police escort, and the police were very involved in helping us to figure out exactly what customs had already told us, that they can't help us, and that the only way out is to buy a ticket back to Turkey, or a new ticket to the US direct. So, we had to buy new tickets to the US. We found that if we waited a day at the airport, there was a direct flight to Seattle. This cost us $3,000. The entire amount that PC had deposited into my account that week. We didn't have enough in the Bank, so we had to use the cash we had in combination with the money in my account. However, we got the tickets.

BUT, in order to check in for that flight, I had to take all of our bags... 3 of them, plus two carry-on bags by myself all the way through the domestic terminal and to the check in counter. I waited in line for an hour and a half, only to be told I was in the wrong line, that I was in "group check in" and would need to go somewhere else with all my stuff. After explaining that I was checking in for two people, I was told that a group is for 5 or more... but the nice man checked me in anyway. It was at this point I learned that unlike our original tickets that had a layover in Iceland, we were not allowed two bags per person, but rather one. So, we had to pay an additional 40 euros (70 dollars) for the third bag. This required me to go to the second floor in a different area of the terminal. I went to pay it, only to find out that they wouldn't take US dollars. So I had to go find an exchange place all the way back where I checked our bags. Then got euros, went back across the terminal, upstairs again, and then paid the baggage fee. The lady saw how stressed I was an apologised for making me "run around the airport." I explained it wasn't her, but told her the sad story. She immediately looked in her computer and found an "upgrade" to our seats. We got the emergency exit row! Which was awesome! It was like being in business class since there were only two seats next to each other with about 4 feet of leg room! It was great.... but, we haven't gotten to the flight yet.

I digress... after upgrading the seats, I was already 2 and a half hours away from Farid. Neither of us has a cell phone that works in Germany, so he is waiting for me in the transit terminal with no clue of what is going on or when I will be back. By this point, he was worried that something had gone wrong, and had used information to call the lufthansa line. They tracked me down while I was upgrading the seats, and they told him I was on my way back in 5 min. So I left the area really happy... then I got to the security check point between the two areas. They refused me entry. They said that since my ticket was for tomorrow, that I wasn't allowed in until after midnight! I told them that lufthansa had just told me to go to their check in desk in the transit lounge, but they still said no. So I went back to lufthansa and explained in tears that security refused me entry, and they knew my husband was waiting on the other side (without money or passport as I needed both for payment and check in for the flight). So they called security, and they told me to go through a different check point and that the security would notify that point that I was coming. I got to a further check point station as instructed, but was again, denied. I insisted that they contact their supervisor as he had been notified, but they refused. Then some nice young guard listened to my story, and said, come on, it's like seriously an hour and a half before midnight, so just let her through. I finally got through, but couldn't find my way to the transit lounge! The Frankfurt airport is too large. I found the area Farid was in, but I was separated by a glass wall. I saw him, he did not see me! I was pounding on the glass when two police officers saw me, and I pointed to Farid. They got his attention, and then showed him the way to get to my area. It took over 3 hours to get back to him. Then we had to sleep on a hard bench in the transit area over night because they won't open the area to the gates at night. Needless to say, it was not a good night. We were both worried our laptop bag with Farid's visa packet would be stolen. It was not, thankfully.
We finally got onto the flight, and the flight was smooth, without problems. Lufthansa is wonderful, and I will never make the same mistake again when travelling between the US and Europe. With airline tickets, you obviously get what you pay for... as the original tickets we had bought were only 550 each. So we will be trying to get a refund of any kind, as there were no notifications about shengen visas online when I purchased the tickets. In the US we arrived about 15 min late due to a late take off (too many planes on the runway). After arrival, we stood in line in the visitor's line (I had to check in with him) and were told the computers were all down nationwide for passport control desk. So we stood there for 35 min. Then when we finally got through, we were sent to another area for processing our visa packet. When we got there, the line was a good 10 people before us, most in wheelchairs and non-native English speakers. We got to the front of the line, only to be told to have a seat. They hat to check in everyone else that day before they would review our packet. It only really took about 45 more min. Which wasn't so bad. He got a stamp in his passport (it will serve as his temporary green card until the actual card arrives.) Then we hugged, and went to get our bags... some of the only ones left.

We are both very tired, and really just glad to have this part done. The travel part is becoming more and more complicated, as we just found out that the tourist visa to Azerbaijan is now only valid for 7 days... so much for going back to visit the in-laws. So, for now, we will just sit tight, and try to relax hopefully in the next week we'll be less jet-lagged. Just wanted you all to know that we are home, safe if not sound of mind.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Closing the chapter...

This week was a difficult one, filled with a lot of different emotions. I cleaned out my office this week. I cleaned out my filing cabinet (my drawer) and arranged all my old projects into clear plastic cases for the new volunteer. I threw out the old exam papers and project documents. I took down the student art from my walls. For the first time, it really hit me that we were leaving soon. I of course, started to cry.

I started packing up the house on Thursday night. Took our pictures out of the frames, made piles of books and items to give away, and started sorting through all the papers tucked away into cabinets. It's so hard to determine what you can take with you, and what you must leave behind. Instead of taking Farid's spanish books, we opted to just donate them to the resource center at the Ganja Education Information Center, and bought used ones from Amazon.com instead. Most of the household items that we've purchased will go to site mates, or left behind for the site mate that is moving into our house when we leave. All of the things that made a home look like a home, are now being packed up and given away. The house feels empty already.

To top it off, today is our last official work day at GEIC. Both Farid and I are finished today. In the coming week we will come in to say goodbye, to get our letters of recommendation from the Director, and we will come to check email... but it's not the same. I've been here for more than three years now. Realizing that I will have no more projects to plan here, no more events to host, no more American holiday celebrations to prepare for... it all seems so final. In 11 days, I will no longer be a United States Peace Corps volunteer.

For those of you at home that are not RPCVs, you might not understand the importance of this chapter closing. Being a Peace Corps volunteer is so much more than just a job. It's an identity. Although we all come from different places in the U.S., we have different backgrounds, different interests, and different lives, we have one thing in common: our ability to spend more than two years (three in my case) giving our lives to the persuit of trying to make one small part of the world a better place. Whether that's through helping a business to be more successful, helping a student to finally understand the difference between "How are you?" and "How OLD are you?", helping youth to improve their lives through work and life skills building, or just helping people to understand the importance of a healthy lifestyle or environment, we come here to serve strangers; and we eventually leave here leaving behind friends and new families. It is hard to walk away from three years of my life. My energy, my creativity, my heart and my soul are in this place, it's hard to just walk away.

I know that many people leave their countries of service, making promises to return one day. Those promises mean so much to people here. They wait, and they wait, and they talk about us for years to come. The new volunteers feel like they will never measure up. But the new volunteers will earn their places in the hearts of the community in the same rights of passage that we endured. But unlike those volunteers who never make it around to coming back, I can go home knowing that I will return here some day. I am fortunate to be taking home an Azerbaijani husband, so I will feel the connection in so many ways. We will return some day to see family, friends and so many familiar faces. Although this chapter is closing, I must say that it is perhaps the best one I've had yet. I am so grateful to have had the experiences I've had. I'm coming home a very different person than what I left, and that makes me wonder if I will ever see the world the same again. Perhaps not, but I know one thing for certain... I like who I've become, and I like my new identity: Returned Peace Corps Volunteer.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Pastor Terry Jones is a disgrace...

For those who do not know what is going on, and want to read about Pastor Jones' plans, this article ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11223457 ) makes it very clear that he and his congregation are acting against the wishes of so many other Americans. In brief, Pastor Jones is the leader of an extremist anti-Islamic church in America, and is planning on burning copies of the Koran (the Muslim holy book) on the anniversary of September 11th. He has been asked to stop, and not to do this, as it will put the lives of Americans around the world in danger and will hurt American-Islamic relations for years to come.

As a United States Peace Corps volunteer serving in Azerbaijan (a Muslim country) I strongly condemn Pastor Terry Jones for his plans to host a public Koran burning on 9/11. He is single-handedly destroying the good work of Americans around the world who are trying to create peace and understanding between our cultures. This man is a sick and pathetic representation of America, and I hope Americans can see the irreparable damage this man will cause. Peace Corps is a non-religious, non-political organization, but we are often affected by both political and religious actions. Pastor Jones' actions are both, and they are both hurtful and counter-productive.

It's ironic that so many Americans hold all Muslims accountable for the actions of less than 50 Muslim extremists, and now the world will hold American accountable for the actions of 50 Christian extremists. I can only hope that more Americans will stand up against this man and publicly condemn hate speech, and stand up for the right of Muslims to practice their faith freely. I find it also ironic that we are willing to go to war to defend our right to freedom of religion, but this man wants to take away the freedom of Muslims. He says he wants to send a message to extremists, but instead all it's going to do is fuel moderate people's dislike of Americans actions.

There is no other way to say it, this man is just insane. On today of all days, the celebratory end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, I'm embarrassed to call him American. He certainly does not speak for me or my beliefs.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Youth Civic Leadership Summer Camp 2010


This year was bitter-sweet. I've now done this camp three years in a row in Azerbaijan, and am always surprised at just how different each group is. This year we held two camps back to back (the same as last year) but divided the groups by age. The first camp had younger students, and the second group was older.

Do you remember the days of summer camp? Your room mates? Staying up late, talking until 4am hoping the counselors wouldn’t notice, group meal times, kitchen patrol chores, playing silly games, capture the flag, nature hikes, and singing songs? Well, kids in Azerbaijan don’t have summer camp. Unless a kid here knows a Peace Corps volunteer, the chance that they even understand the word camp is minimal.

The ideas of being free, close to nature, and having fun are so much more limited than what Americans know. For starters, Azerbaijani kids don’t get dirty. Sitting on the ground is “olmaz” (not allowed) as it’s believed to allow your body to absorb cold from the ground. And everyone in Azerbaijan knows that cold kills. So no sitting on the ground. Sports make you dirty. So girls don’t mind watching, but actually playing the sports? That gets you a look like you’re a silly American. Also, boys don’t wash dishes. That’s girls work. So when you assign a group of kids to do kitchen patrol, set up, tear down, and wash up, the girls are often not assertive enough to call out the boys when they don’t pull their own weight. Evening times in Azerbaijan always include a cup of tea. Even if it’s 100 degrees outside, tea is still a must. Could you imagine what would happen if you gave an American kid a cup of hot tea before bed at camp? They’d probably look at you like you were insane.

BUT, our camp was not an Azerbaijani camp. Nor was it an American camp… we’ll just call it “Azerican” a hybrid of two cultures fused together. Our kids got dirty. They played sports. They sat on the ground (sort of, more like a squatting position close to the ground), boys washed dishes (and even learned to like it, as one boy said “I like playing with the water”) and yes, we still drank tea. Our camp was really the kind were we just went with the flow.

For 11 days, we played games, we held classes, we had discussions, we did yoga, we hiked, we played mafia, and we ate. Boy did we eat. I have to give special thanks here to my site mate Vivian. She’s an amazing woman, and she has a special gift with her hands. She has the ability to make gourmet cuisine out of practically nothing. We ate like kings and queens for the entire camp. The kids ate all different kinds of food, and realized in true American fashion that American food means food infused with other cultures from around the world. (French toast is a hit in Azerbaijan by the way.)

Our first group consisted of 14 campers, and 7 counselors. Most of the kids in this group were under the age of 18. They were energetic, fun loving, and adventurous in every way. When we gave them something new and unknown, they jumped in head first, and never questioned our logic. We asked them to do some strange things, like dropping eggs off the balcony, act out survival strategies for nuclear fallout, and tracing their body onto giant poster papers and filling themselves in with how they see themselves. As this camp was funded by the US Democracy Commission through the US Embassy we elected a camp president and vice president. We even watched “Cool Runnings” in order to promote hard work and teamwork in the face of adversity. The final night held a talent show, with talents of being double jointed, comedy routines, dancing, singing, and knitting. When the first group left, I was so tired, and I missed them the moment they got on the bus!

Our second group was older. All of them were in the 18-25 age group, and we had 8 teachers. Now, have you ever tried to convince college aged students to play duck duck goose? It’s a lot harder than you would think. But by the end of the week, these kids learned to be silly too. They learned to really laugh at themselves, and really acted like a small family. The second group was a bit more obsessed with having free time to prepare their talents, and they were hesitant to do chores (aren’t all kids?) but they always made us laugh. Their energy was overflowing at times, playing cross the river they became more competitive than any other group I’ve ever played with before. Not to mention, teaching assertiveness to already assertive young adults can make for some pretty funny interactions later on. I believe one of the students successfully argued why they shouldn’t have to set the table, and it was a clear step in showing his assertiveness (he believed that he had contributed more than the other members of his team at previous meals, and that he deserved lighter duty that day as a reward.) Camp was exhausting, but fun. I loved it, and can’t believe this may be the last time I do a camp of this caliber. I feel very grateful that I had the chance to do it twice this year!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Oh America, what are you doing?

Recently a friend of mine sent me a disturbing article about the Park51 debate in New York City (a cultural center that will include a Mosque built down the street from ground zero. Article enclosed at the bottom of this blog entry.) This debate has been heating up and really creating some ugliness with it. It's really starting to make me wonder what's wrong with Americans? One of my favorite things to tell people here is that America is diverse. That we have all different cultures, and we have people from all over the world. We aren't one religion, we aren't one race, we aren't all one language. We are the "melting pot" of the world. America takes the best of all cultures and combines them. It's a source of pride for us Peace Corps volunteers to be able to say that we have Muslims in America too. That America has "freedom of religion." We are free to practice how we want, when we want, and where we want. And now, we hear comments drifting across the world to us that Americans are fine with freedom of religion... as long as that religion is just not Islam. Which is a frightening thought for the more than 1.3 million* American-Muslims.

While a friend of mine who is also married to an Azerbaijani was in the USA she noted that random people would make very unflattering comments about Muslims, (eg "why do they come where they aren't wanted?"), and thought her husband was an Arab. Our program and training officer was also recently in the US for a Peace Corps conference, and people thought he was also an Arab -- for the record Azerbaijanis are Turks (descendant from Turkish ancestry). It's really unfortunate but there's a lot of misinformation and preconceived notions about Muslims, and people are becoming more vocal with their misinformed ideas. Sometimes that vocalization further spreads hate, violence, misinformation and fear about something Americans just don't really understand.

I've begun to notice through online newspaper articles, blogs, and other American news outlets online, that the American people don't know that not every Arab is Muslim and not every Muslim is Arab (there are Christians in Egypt, Lebanon, etc. and Indonesians and Turks are usually Muslim but obviously not Arabs). Worse than generalizing all Muslims as being Arab, people really don't understand that most Muslims are peaceful people. The number of people who think that Obama is Muslim has increased too, which shows how many people don't like the idea of a diverse president representing our diverse America. Does anyone remember when the US was afraid to elect a Catholic? Without John F. Kennedy we wouldn't have the Peace Corps today. The third goal of the Peace Corps is to teach Americans about other cultures around the world. I'm not even home yet, and my work is mounting up before me. I've got a lot of good things to say about Azerbaijani Muslims, and how it really hurts when this whole debate affects the people I love and care for, and who have loved and cared for me so well these past three years.

Since I'll be home in just over a month, I wanted to send this out prior to arriving with my wonderful Muslim husband. Azerbaijan is a Muslim country. But like America, most people don't wear head scarfs, don't wear scull caps, or any outward sign of their religion. It's a secular (as in, not a religious) state, and like America, the government is run separate of religious influence. It's very hard for many Americans to understand that Azerbaijan is a former soviet union country, and lies on the outside edges of Europe while simultaneously being a Muslim country. There are influences from many different cultures here, and if one did not know it was a Muslim country, you probably wouldn't be able to tell based on just the culture and looks alone.

Now, just to dispel any confusion... Like the Christianity, Islam teaches peace, and non-violence. Muslims in general are not violent people. The same way that Christians in general are not violent people. (How would you feel if your entire religion was effected and viewed based on the actions of Timothy McVay, the Oklahoma City building bomber?) If any of you have ever watched the West Wing there is a great analogy that you should know. Think back to SATs, when you had to compare things.

al-Qaeda : Islam :: KKK : Christianity

al-Qaeda is to Islam, what the KKK is to Christianity. It's a horrible subgroup of fring people that don't represent the views of the entire group, and focus on hurting people to prove their point. So for those of you who seem to equate all Muslims with terrorism, I know this bursts your bubble, but you'll have to look more realistically at the situation. A hand full of bad people can't be the whole reason that 1.57 billion** Muslim people become discriminated around the world. It isn't fair, and it isn't practical to assume that just because a few bad people do hurtful things, that everyone else will do it too. Please, don't be one of those Americans who uses fear and misunderstanding as an excuse to discriminate and hurt people who are really not that different from us after all. As Americans we have an obligation to all Americans, not just the ones who look, act and think just the same as we do. We have an obligation to uphold our constitutional rights, including protecting religions and the right to practice those religions for anyone who wants to, even if we don't practice the same one. We have an obligation to protect each other from violence, from hate speech, and from discrimination. We have the responsibility to give every American the chance to be themselves while building a better future for all of us.


NYC mosque debate will shape American Islam
(Article By RACHEL ZOLL, AP Religion Writer Rachel Zoll, Ap Religion Writer Sun Aug 29, 2:28 pm ET)
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2012754945_apusnycmosquefallout.html?syndication=rss

NEW YORK – Adnan Zulfiqar, a graduate student, former U.S. Senate aide and American-born son of Pakistani immigrants, will soon give the first khutbah, or sermon, of the fall semester at the University of Pennsylvania. His topic has presented itself in the daily headlines and blog posts over the disputed mosque near ground zero.

What else could he choose, he says, after a summer remembered not for its reasoned debate, but for epithets, smears, even violence?

As he writes, Zulfiqar frets over the potential fallout and what he and other Muslim leaders can do about it. Will young Muslims conclude they are second-class citizens in the U.S. now and always?

"They're already struggling to balance, `I'm American, I'm Muslim,' and their ethnic heritage. It's very disconcerting," said Zulfiqar, 32, who worked for former U.S. Sen. Max Cleland, a Georgia Democrat, and now serves Penn's campus ministry. "A controversy like this can make them radical or become more conservative in how they look at things or how they fit into the American picture."

Whatever the outcome, the uproar over a planned Islamic center near the World Trade Center site is shaping up as a signal event in the story of American Islam.

Strong voices have emerged from outside the Muslim community. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has been steadfast in his support for the project. Jon Stewart nightly mocks the bigotry that the protest unleashed.

"The sentiment, say, five years ago among many Muslims, especially among many young Muslims, was that, `We're in this all by ourselves,'" said Omer Mozaffar, a university lecturer in Chicago who leads Quran study groups as a buffer between young people and the extremist preachers on YouTube. `That has changed significantly. There have been a lot of people speaking out on behalf of Muslims."

Eboo Patel, an American Muslim leader and founder of Interfaith Youth Core, a Chicago nonprofit that promotes community service and religious pluralism, said Muslims are unfortunately experiencing what all immigrant groups endured in the U.S. before they were fully accepted as American. Brandeis University historian Jonathan D. Sarna has noted that Jews faced a similar backlash into the 1800s when they tried to build synagogues, which were once banned in New York.

Patel believes American Muslims are on the same difficult but inevitable path toward integration.

"I'm not saying this is going to be happy," Patel said. "But I'm extremely optimistic."

Yet, the overwhelming feeling is that the controversy has caused widespread damage that will linger for years.

American Muslim leaders say the furor has emboldened opposition groups to resist new mosques around the country, at a time when there aren't enough mosques or Islamic schools to serve the community.

Rhetoric from some politicians that lumps all Muslims with terrorists will depress the Muslim vote, analysts say.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, a potential 2012 presidential candidate, said in opposing the Islamic center that, "America is experiencing an Islamist cultural-political offensive designed to undermine and destroy our civilization."

U.S. Muslims who have championed democracy and religious tolerance question what they've accomplished. If the "extremist" label can be hung on someone as apparently liberal as the imam at the center of the outcry, Feisal Abdul Rauf, then any Muslim could come under attack. Feisal supports women's rights, human rights and interfaith outreach.

"The joke is on moderate Muslims," said Muqtedar Khan, a University of Delaware political scientist and author of "American Muslims, Bridging Faith and Freedom." "What's the point if you're going to be treated the same way as a radical? If I get into trouble are they going to treat me like I'm a supporter of al-Qaeda?"

U.S. Muslims are themselves divided over the proposed mosque.

Feisal and his wife, Daisy Khan (no relation to Muqtedar Khan), want to build a 13-story, $100 million community center called Park51 two blocks from the World Trade Center site. It would be modeled on the YMCA or Jewish Community Center, with programming for the entire city, and would include a mosque.

Some Muslims felt from the start that the plan was misguided, given the wounds of the Sept. 11 attacks and widespread misunderstanding about Islam. Yet they felt compelled to defend the proposal when the discussion over religious freedom and cultural sensitivity turned ugly.

Days ago, a brick nearly smashed a window at the Madera Islamic Center in central California, where signs were left behind that read, "Wake up America, the enemy is here," and "No temple for the god of terrorism." This past week in New York, a Muslim cab driver had his face and throat slashed in a suspected hate crime.

The poisonous atmosphere comes at a still fragile time in the development of Muslim communal life.

Leaders have spent years trying to persuade Muslim immigrants to come out of their enclaves and fully embrace being American. The task became that much more difficult in the aftermath of 9/11. Many Muslims pulled back, convinced that if another terrorist attack occurs, the U.S. government will put them in internment camps, like the Japanese in World War II. Their American-born children, meanwhile, have felt rejected by their own country.

David Ramadan, a Muslim and vice chair of ethnic coalitions for Republican Party in Virginia, predicts that comments from political figures in both major parties will depress Muslim voting in years to come.

Ramadan and other Muslim Republicans have been pressing GOP leaders not to support a particular mosque, but to acknowledge that American Muslims have equal rights under the Constitution.

"Who wants to come into the fold of the Republican Party today, or even the fold of the Democratic Party?" Ramadan asked. "They just increased the number of independents in America."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Ramadan Day 12 and 13

Today we broke our fasting. As we are leaving for camp, our bodies need to be well rested, and ready for the intense physical activity of running a summer youth camp. It felt weird to stop though, as my body still woke me up really early in the morning. I need to get back in the swing of sleeping through a whole night. I'm sure at camp I won't be sleeping restfully throughout the night, but it will be the result of catching campers trying sneak out... I'm great at catching them, and the first year even slept in the hallway to prevent the girls from leaving.
Yesterday was a great day for us. We had a house guest from Sheki come on Saturday night, and she stayed and did our breakfast with us at 430am like a trooper. We of course gave her the option to sleep in and opt out, but she was curious so she joined us. Farid's students finished up their final leadership project yesterday morning, and our friend and I cleaned the house in preparation for our site mate "hub day." Almost all of the site mates came this time, and we had a nice fruit buffet. Farid and I were very good, and didn't become too tempted to actually partake in eating. After our site mates left, we went in to the office to purchase our plane tickets to America! We are very excited, as we finally found tickets home, and now will be headed out of Azerbaijan with a final end date in site. In 51 days, I will be foot down on American soil. I will be home, and there not just for a vacation this time. It feels a bit bitter sweet. I'm excited that we will finish my service and then head back to Ganja, catch a flight to Naxchivan to stay with Farid's parents for two nights, then fly to Istanbul to see Farid's brothers for 2 nights, then a flight to Frankfurt, were we will layover for an entire day (this is the price you pay for cheap tickets) and then we will fly to Iceland for a short layover before landing in Seattle. For Farid, he will still have to go through secondary processing with his CR-1 visa (conditional resident visa) and he will be issued his temporary green card at the airport. The final green card will be mailed to our house withing 6-8 weeks. He will have to register for selective service, and we will then start the job search, and start applying to graduate schools. We are looking into several places, including Minnesota, Oregon, and Nevada. Right now, we just need time to adjust to life in the US again. I have been informed by Peace Corps at our Close of Service conference that I will be going through "Reverse Culture Shock" and won't always feel "at home" in the US now. I know there are a lot of things about Azerbaijan that I won't miss. However, there are a lot that I will miss too. After 3 years and 3 months away from home, it feels a bit strange to not know what comes next.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Ramadan Day 11

My own husband doesn't know what day of Ramadan it is. He's confused. He believes it's day 10. I think he's severely dehydrated and it's effecting his brain. I on the other hand know, that I'm now in day 11 of my Ramadan experience. Surprisingly, I'm doing well today. Last night was interesting, as we prepared dinner, then tackled the laundry. All that extra energy felt good enough to make me actually wash clothes.

Now, I should explain for those of you who don't live in Azerbaijan, that washing clothes here is a very time consuming, and energy using event. You see, we don't have a washing machine. Our washing machine is a large plastic bucket. So after heating water for a shower, we decided that we could wash clothes for camp. The actual washing for 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of khakis, and 4 shirts took about an hour. You have the soaping, rinsing, squeezing, rinsing, squeezing and about 5 more rinsing squeezing cycles. By the time you're done, your hands sometimes callous, and for beginners, sometimes crack from all the water and soap that dries out your hands. Then, comes the "easy" part. Hanging the clothes to dry. I'm sure you're wondering what is so difficult about this. For most volunteers, this really is the easy part. But for me, I have some sort of bad luck. I live on the third floor of an old soviet style block apartment building. We have a corridor out front of our door, and it has an open wall to hang our clothes on the line. It's like a balcony where everything is concrete. Usually, I don't hang my clothes on the line on the outside, because the neighbor above likes to throw her trash off the balcony. Meaning, our clothes get covered in garbage after being washed. This has happened twice before. Instead, I hang my clothes to dry on the rope between my neighbors water tank, and our water tank. This has been fine all summer. However, last night, after putting all that hard work into washing the clothes, hanging them out to dry, and finally climbing in to bed after 11pm... I heard the tell tale sound of a wet "thwack." In an instant, my heart sank. I knew that sound... it had happened only once before. The line broke. With dread, we got up, put on full clothes, opened the front door, and turned on the porch light. Sure enough, there were our freshly washed clothes, laying on the dirty floor of the corridor. It took a lot of patience not to scream and yell, and jump up and down like a 5 year old who is angry. Instead, we gathered up the clothes that had fallen on the ground, re-hung the others that were still dangling mid-air on the broken lines, and went inside to re-wash the clothes. We don't have very many clothes here, and Farid in particular only has a total of 4 pairs of pants. So when his khakis fell in the dirt, I was determined to get them clean again. We re-washed the items, and this time hung them to dry inside the bathroom. It was late by the time we crawled tired back into bed. It was a rough night, as the wind howled most of the night through our neighborhood, waking us up frequently between the early hours and the time we had to wake up. We even had to close the windows regardless of the sweltering heat, for fear the curtains would rip away from the rod on the wall.

430 came early, and I stumbled out of bed to light the gas to heat our tea-pot. It takes about 7 minutes for the water to boil. Everything else was ready, so all we had to do was wait. We lay down, and for a moment closed our eyes. I jolted awake 20 minutes later. It's a good thing that we had almost an hour between 430 and sunrise, or else we would have been extra hungry today. Most of the water had boiled out of the pot, and we both sleepily sat down to breakfast at the table. As soon as we were done, it was back to bed for our sleepy brains.

Then, at 815 we woke up for work... which we gave ourselves 15 minutes to get ready for. Can you tell how tired we must have been? After throwing on clothes, and brushing our hair, we left for work, checking on the clothes outside on the line. Immediately, Farid and I noticed "gaps" in the line. We both thought, "Oh no, our clothes had been whipped away down two stories into the trees and chicken yard below!" We spent a few minutes trying to see where they had landed... nothing from our floor could be seen. So we went down to the second, then the first, and finally to the ground floor to look around in the trees and garbage strewn field behind our building. We couldn't find them. I was so upset that I was devising plans to go to the bazar and buy Farid a new pair of pants. We had to go to work though, so we got on the bus. Half way to work, we remembered that those gaps in the line were not the khakis and shirts that had fallen in the dirt... we had re-hung those in the bathroom. I felt silly, and a bit embarrassed for looking around in the chicken yard behind our building. I believe we are truly tired today.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ramadan Days 9 and 10

I decided to take the day off of work yesterday, so I will combine the blog for yesterday and today. Yesterday was perhaps one of the best days yet in my experience. Since I didn't have to get up at 730 to go to work, I was able to sleep in a little more. That helped my mood immensely, and put me in the right mindset for the day. I made time for light exercise, and good stretching. I've felt so tense lately from the lack of water and proper sleep, that the stretching was really invigorating for me. I had time to clear my mind, and to find peace inside myself. I then had enough energy to clean the house, and visit with two of my site mates for the better part of the afternoon. Since I've been smarter in my eating habits, I wasn't even hungry when they ate lunch. That was a real surprise for me. However, the smell of watermelon does make my stomach act up. It's a nostalgic food, and that just can't be helped.

Farid and I talked a bit last night about Ramadan. We know that we won't be able to fast the whole month, as we are leaving for summer camp next week, and women traditionally break when their body changes cycles. We will more than likely fast up until the day camp begins, then stop when camp actually starts. This summer camp has such an intense schedule that it would be unpractical and borderline dangerous to fast while doing so much physical activity. Not to mention that I can't sleep in when I'm directing a camp, nor can I go to bed early. Therefore, we will have an 11 day break in the middle of Ramadan. We will resume the fast when camp is over on the 3rd, and may add the days to the end of Ramadan depending on our travel schedule back to the states.

Some days are better than others. Some days are so hard that I feel very close to giving up. I am 100% sure that the reason I've made it this far is my husband. This whole experience was my idea, and the fact that he is fasting to help me through the process just makes it so much easier for me. Yes my husband is Muslim, but that is not the reason I'm doing this. I've been living in Azerbaijan for three years, and each year I made excuses to exempt myself from Ramadan. But in reality, I'm ashamed to admit I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be able to do it. I was scared that it would mean people would think I was converting to Islam (as if this would be something terrible.) I was scared my family and friends might think strangely about me, or judge me for "going native." But I'm no longer scared. This year is my last chance. I don't know when I'll be back to Azerbaijan. It may be a very long time before I get the chance to spend Ramadan in a Muslim country again. Like spending December in a Christian country, Ramadan is a very special month. People are nicer to each other, people are more honest, there are more good deeds, and more love in the community. Part of the Peace Corps experience is to truly try to understand the culture, the life, and the people. Ramadan is a part of that experience that I have been missing.

Fasting is a real test of ones willpower to not be tempted when you are cooking for others, or for yourself. Have you ever tried to cook without tasting the food you are making after spending the previous 15 hours fasting? Guessing how much salt or seasoning something needs is an interesting experience. I also find that the parts that have been the biggest sacrifice for me were not what I had imagined... giving up water during the day, and waking up so early. Each day feels a little easier in some ways, and I still have moments where my stomach feels hungry. One of my students and I talked on Wednesday about the importance of fasting. She said that it's good for one to experience what it feels like to be hungry, to go without. It makes us more sympathetic to those who do not have the choice. Which prompted me to look up some information about hunger world wide.

As of today, no one really knows how many people in the world are malnourished. The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization measures "under-nutrition" and estimates that as of October 14, 2009 more than 1.02 billion people are under nourished. This has increased more than 346 million people since 2006. As a result of agricultural neglect, a worldwide economic crisis, and an increase in the cost of food for everyone, 15% of the world's population is going hungry*. Most of which are in developing nations. Azerbaijan is considered a developing nation. It is very easy to forget about these parts of the world. It is very easy to say "that's not America, you can't compare the two worlds" or "there's nothing I can do about it."

One of my favorite documentaries is called "Invisible Children." I first watched this video in my church collage group. After watching the video it made me want to join the Peace Corps to help more people in the world. Three years, 2 months later, here I am. I'm not sure if I've helped the world, but I've certainly learned a lot more about it. I've learned that I was pretty ignorant about a lot of things going on outside of America. It's easy to pretend that everything is fine and perfect when you are surrounded by so much excess, so much privilege. There are a lot of really great people in this part of the world. They a so similar to us in so many ways. They have dreams, they have goals, they have fears, they have needs, just the same as any of us do.

There are good and bad people in every part of the world, and no one person can represent an entire country or culture. I've been asked more times than I can count, "how do Americans feel about this..." or "what do Americans think about that?" How can I answer for more than 305 million Americans? I can't. But yet, sometimes we expect others to do the same, answer for "why do Muslims do this?" or "why do Muslims think that?" Every person is just that, a person, an individual. You can never fully understand a culture based on the thoughts or actions of a few people. Imagine how we would feel if everyone outside of America based their thoughts of America on what skin heads, or KKK members said and did. It would be a pretty skewed view of reality. The world really needs a lot more understanding about each other. Ramadan is one way that I can bridge the gap in understanding. It tests my patience and willpower, it tests my strength, commitment, and endurance. I am finally beginning to see that it truly is a sacrifice, and a very personal one.

(Disclaimer: Today's post is one of the rare ones in which I talk about my personal feelings regarding religion and politics around the world. As stated above, it is only my opinion, and does not represent the US Peace Corps, America, or Azerbaijan in any way. It's just one persons rambling thoughts about the world.)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ramadan Day 8

Woohoo! I did it, I survived a whole week! Thank you to everyone for the positive comments and feedback. It really helps knowing I have a (small) fan base out there! Day 7 was really harder than previous days. I actually felt hungry yesterday. Previous days, hunger passed quickly, and my stomach was able to quiet. Yesterday however, while teaching class, my stomach decided to declare my participation in Ramadan... over and over again, loud enough for my students to hear. After work, I watched a movie to distract myself, which was a great technique. Only problem was, I didn't notice the clock ticking toward sun down. As hungry as we were, dinner was actually 10 min later than it could have been.
This morning was another early start. 430 felt like 230. My brain did not want to wake up, and I was still full from dinner when we woke. Have you ever tried to force yourself to eat something when you were already full? It's not a pleasant feeling. I had to force myself to drink water, and my stomach has felt bloated all morning. However, my hopes are high as I can focus on the fact that I was successful in completing the first week... that has to count for something.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Ramadan Day 7

Last night was perhaps one of the most difficult yet. I was so tired and thirsty by the time dinner rolled around that I really didn't enjoy my meal as opposed to just wolfing it down as fast as I possibly could... also, not good for digestion. My stomach hurt as I fell asleep, and again, I had another night filled with trips to the bathroom from excess water. It's been a really hard week. I've been doing this for only 6 full days, and then today is the start of the 7th, and I've already lost 5 and a half pounds. I'm sure that most of that is water weight, but it surprised me as I wasn't really "dieting" or doing anything abnormal other than just changing the times I eat, and cutting out water. I'm also losing more hair than normal. This morning my hair brush revealed a larger than normal amount of hair.

Last night I was seriously close to just giving up. We had one hour to go, and I was so thirsty, that I couldn't even get excited about baked potatoes and chicken nuggets (a rare luxury item that occasionally pops up in the market.) All I could think about was water. Then, when I could drink, I felt like I couldn't get enough in my body fast enough. So of course, too much water + drinking too quickly = stomach ache.

I have one week before summer camp starts. When it does, I'm seriously questioning if I'll be able to continue. At camp we usually have a lot of physical activity from about 730 am till around 11 pm when the staff is able to finally wrestle everyone into bed, and then argue with them to go to sleep for another hour. I fear that with the already unrestful sleep, that I will be too exhausted to continue fasting at that point. There are a lot of exemptions for people to not fast for Ramadan... if you're menstruating, ill, disabled, weak, pregnant, or physically unable to fast in a way that does not add problems to your body, then you aren't supposed to fast. In addition, if you are travelling many people refrain from fasting. However, these people who start, then stop, are supposed to resume fasting and ADD the days to the end... so it would just lengthen out the whole process. I'm a little apprehensive about adding days by taking time off, so for now, I'll just keep trying as best I can.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ramadan Days 5 and 6

The evening of night 4 went well, was so tired by the time dinner was finished that we went to bed early. This weekend was a bit of a different story. We work about 6-7 days a week, so we don't really get to sleep in after waking at 430 for breakfast. We go back to sleep for a couple hours, then wake up at 730 to go to work. Sunday was good because we didn't have to be at the office till 3pm. I was so tired from waking up throughout the night that I woke up early on Sunday. Like 30 minutes early. Not cool when it's your one day to sleep in. So I got up, made breakfast, we ate, went back to sleep, then slept in till 1030. Now that was nice, and much needed.
Yesterday went fine, I was feeling a little hungry throughout the day, as I think my body is now adjusting to the early eating. However, by 630 in the evening I was feeling very thirsty, and very hungry. The last two hours just drug on and on. I had everything ready, and on the table 30 min before we could actually eat. My lips and tongue have been very dry the last couple days. After dinner I felt a bit better, but still extremely tired. So again, we went to bed early. I'm not sleeping very restfully. I wake up multiple times throughout the night from all the water right before bed. I woke up at about 2:30, 3:45, and at 4:20. We ate breakfast as usual, and then I went back to bed. Unfortunately, at 730 I was so tired I couldn't get myself out of bed. Farid had a class at 9am, so he had to leave the house at 820. I on the other hand didn't really need to be here till 10, so I went back to sleep. I woke up at 930, again from water, but feeling a little more rested. I don't really feel well rested at all this week. I feel like I'm in a bit of a fog, and that most things around me are not as interesting as I know they could be. I am definitely feeling a lack of engery from what I'm used to. I am positive it's due to not sleeping through the night, and the lack of water.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Ramadan Day 4

Well, yesterday afternoon was a bit better than the morning. Last night was a smaller, healthier meal, and an earlier bed time. I researched yesterday, and found out I had been doing a lot of little mistakes in selecting the right foods. Some of the practices I was doing were very unhealthy, and it's good that I caught them early on.

I did a lot of research about Ramadan itself yesterday, not just the food part. This month really is about self control, and cleansing oneself both physically and metaphorically. In addition to fasting from food and drink during the day, cigarettes and alcohol are also forbidden. (They usually are in Islam, but some people do these things anyway.) I don't smoke or drink, but I can imagine it would be hard to just cut yourself cold turkey from those habits. You are also supposed to pray, and use the time to bring yourself closer to God. The purpose is to build up good in your life. However, that good can be diminished by a few things too.
1. Telling lies
2. Slander
3. Gossip
4. Making false promises or oaths
5. Greed
These things are usually considered to be offensive in Islam (and with Judaism and Christianity) but they are particularly bad during Ramadan. As are swearing, fighting, doing bad deeds or actions. One is supposed to surround oneself with positive things, and not negative, unhealthy images, sounds or situations. It's kind of like how everyone tries to keep on their best behavior for an important holiday, but for Muslims this lasts for an entire month. Muslims believe that their good deeds bring a greater reward during Ramadan because this month was blessed by God. They also believe that it is easier to do good during Ramadan because this month "the devils have been chained in Hell, and so can't tempt believers. This doesn't mean that Muslims will not behave badly, but that any evil that they do comes from within themselves, without additional encouragement from Satan."1

As for the food parts, I was taking in far too many starches, and high calorie foods. Ramadan is a month were you are supposed to be healthy. Over eating, carbo-loading, or consuming extra calories to "make up" for what you skip during the day are not healthy practices, and are counter productive to fasting. From most of the places I found, they all said that it will actually make you feel more hungry during the day if you load up on all those extra calories. It will prevent your metabolism from doing a gradual slow down like it should be doing. Also, most advisers said that a Ramadan diet should contain more vegetables and fruits, less breads and carb products. It didn't say to cut them out entirely, but that they should not be the main portion of your meals. Fruit should be eaten after the meal, but with sufficient amount of time in between to allow digestion. If it's consumed too early (like right after the meal) it can cause fermentation and bloating.(2) Both of which I was experiencing, and both of which don't feel too pleasant. As I guessed correctly on my own, high amounts of sugar should be avoided, and natural sugars from organic juices and fruits should be the source of sugars instead. I was also told to avoid spicy foods, as it can upset a stomach normally, let alone an empty stomach. That would explain why I had an upset stomach the first night... spicy soup. Finally, I was taking in caffeine which is a diuretic and causes dehydration. Today is my first day without a strong cup of tea with breakfast. I'm hoping I won't feel as thirsty all day, as I drank an extra cup of regular water instead.
I found out that I should also be doing some sort of light exercise. It's actually bad to try to "conserve energy" because it prevents the bodies systems from properly using the calories consumed prior to sunrise and after sunset. It can actually lead to weight gain even while fasting! Instead of avoiding exercise, it's advised to do light stretching, or walking to keep a healthy balance. I had been doing my best not to exert myself, but now I see that it's actually possible to be counter productive in this strategy. For example, if you usually eat three small meals a day, but now you are fasting, you will consume two instead. If you start eating large amounts of food during those two meals, and you don't do regular movements or exercise, it's possible that you will have more calories in your system. Losing weight is actually a good thing for overweight people (such as myself) during Ramadan. The weight loss should come from a combination of proper diet (which means not over indulging in extra calories,) normal physical activity, and giving yourself the proper amount of sleep. That means not staying up super late knowing I have to get up early, and that my sleeping pattern will be changed by the extra fluid before bedtime.

So, now that I know what I've been doing incorrectly, I have revised my routine to include:
1. Meditation
2. Stretching/walking
3. A balanced diet
4. Better sleeping habits

I am hoping that today will be (another) fresh start. Still feeling tired as I adjust, but it's now after 10 am, and I didn't wake up thirsty this morning, so that's a good start.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ramadan Day 3

Definitely not feeling as well as I could today. Yesterday afternoon I experienced a lot of cramps in my lower intestines about 3 hours before we could eat. It was really hot out, so I sweat more yesterday than I did on day one. I think the extra sweating dehydrated me a little more than I had anticipated. I ended up feeling so tired that I had to take a nap for two hours around 6pm. Last night was not so bad though, as we didn't over eat this time. We decided that if we were still hungry an hour after eating a normal meal, that we could always just have late seconds. It was not necessary. I of course prepared too much food, so we have left-overs each night to go with the new food. This time I included a bit of fruit into my diet, as I'm not sure taking a vitamin is enough. The fruit was nice because it gave extra hydration.

We woke up at 430 this morning again, and right away it was more difficult than the previous two days. I was not hungry. I think Farid sensed I was a bit cranky at the idea of eating when I wasn't hungry. I stumbled out of bed, for the 6th time to use the bathroom before getting everything ready. It was so hard to open my eyes, I was literally bumping into things. My brain was protesting the early wake up. I decided not to have an egg this morning, as they tend to make me feel nauseous. Not sure why, but the smell and taste of eggs usually makes me gag. I can't really eat them without feeling sick unless I eat them with something else. Instead, I supplemented with a higher calorie protein... peanuts. Oh yeah, I ate peanuts at 430 am! I also decided not to have jam with the bread, hoping that the cut in sugar content would help alleviate stomach cramps. Then we went back to bed for a few hours, meditating myself into a relaxing sleep.

Bad news though... those peanuts are high in fiber too. 730 am came with a system cleanse, and my stomach has been upset since I woke up the second time. My mouth was also very dry already, but I think that was cause I slept on my back, causing my mouth to hang open like a cat fish. Anyone ever experience that dry, leathery feeling on your tongue? Yeah, not cool when you can't drink water. It's now 930 am, and I'm feeling better than I did two hours ago. Today I'm going to research better methods of doing fasting for Ramadan. I think I need to be more aware of what foods are helpful, and which are not.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ramadan Day 2

I successfully survived my first day of Ramadan. It had it's difficult moments, but was not as bad as I thought it might be. The worst parts for me were waking up early and feeling tired all day, feeling dehydrated during work, and not being able to taste the food I was making for dinner to check the seasonings. It's a bit odd to make a soup and not check the salt or seasoning content. Of course, we were so hungry by the time dinner rolled around that we had over cooked. I ended up making a soup, salad, stuffed peppers, and a casserole. It was of course waaaay too much food. But, now we know for tonight not to make the same mistake. Halfway through dinner both of us just couldn't eat any more. Yesterday while online I also found out that you are supposed to brush your teeth before the 5 am sunrise time. If you brush afterwards, the water going into your mouth may be considered cheating. So today, we had another early wake up, but slept in a little more till 430. Now that we know how long it takes to prepare breakfast, eat and brush our teeth, it was a little easier to plan for. I had a really hard time dragging myself out of bed this morning. My brain was still very tired, and was not giving the command to my feet that I wanted it to. However, we successfully managed to boil some eggs, set the table, and eat. After breakfast I felt sick. My stomach hurt from drinking so much water (I'm used to just a half a cup of tea at breakfast, not three glasses of water, a glass of multivitamin juice, AND a cup of tea...) I had to resist the urge to be sick when I lay back down to sleep again. Farid has informed me that this is a result of our stomachs still being full from last night's dinner, and then cramming more water and food in only a few hours later for breakfast. He said we should probably try to space the water a little better throughout the night, and not stuff ourselves too much for dinner time. So, a few trial and error will make this a bit more smooth. Yesterday I felt hungry at lunch time, but ignoring it made the feeling go away. I was able to concentrate on work to keep me a bit distracted, and when we got home, all that time in the evening that I would have used to cook dinner was used to catch up on washing the dishes. It ended up being kinda good for a distraction. When you get to the last two hours it can be a little hard to focus. So, washing the dishes took about an hour, then we cooked together. We had everything on the table ready to go, and then waited for the time to change for sunset.

As I am not Muslim, but wish to share in this experience, a good friend of mine has suggested that I include some form of daily meditation into my experience. As most Muslims use this month to do a little self purification, reflect, and teach themselves discipline, it would be good to share in some of the other experiences as well. I will not be praying multiple times a day, but I think after a 430am breakfast that a little meditation, controlled breathing, and clearing of the mind can be incorporated. I'm excited also that I'm not the only volunteer doing Ramadan in Azerbaijan this year. So I wish the others good luck, as we are all in this together!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My first Ramadan

This morning was the start of Ramadan. Although I've been in Azerbaijan for three years, I've never fasted for Ramadan. As this is my final year in Azerbaijan, I really wanted to attempt to fast for Ramadan this year. So, my wonderful husband agreed to help me through it (he doesn't usually fast for Ramadan, but has done it before.) 4 am came early this morning. My body has this problem where I always wake up like an hour before I need to when I'm afraid I'll oversleep. It can be good when you're going to the airport, but not so good when you're going to wake up at 4 am each day just to eat breakfast. This year, Ramadan is long because it's in the summer months. The days are longer, meaning we wake up early to eat breakfast, and eat dinner very late. Today will be a total of almost 16 hours between meals. In Azerbaijan, they also say you can't drink water when fasting. So I drank a liter of water, and some juice and a cup of tea this morning. My stomach is not used to it yet, so I imagine it will become easier in a couple weeks.


Just a little background on Ramadan for those of you who are unfamiliar with it. Wednesday the 11th of August is the first full day of Ramadan in the Caucasus. This Holy month for Muslims will continue for 30 days, and will end on September 9th or 10th depending on whether you can see the new moon or not. For those in North America who will celebrate Ramadan, the month will begin one day later (August 12th) because of the position of the moon. Ramadan is the holiest month in the Islamic calendar, and is believed to be the month in which the Muslim holy book (the Koran) was revealed to the Muslim Prophet Muhammad. For Muslims, in addition to monotheism and a belief in Muhammad as the prophet, prayer multiple times a day, doing good deeds or charity work, pilgrimage to Mekka for those who are able, Muslims must also fast in order to create self-purification. That means that for the whole month of Ramadan, Muslims around the world will fast during the days. For Shia Muslims though, there are a few small differences. But in Azerbaijan this is fairly common for practicing Muslims. Just for those of you who find it interesting, I'm including a copy of the prayer times for Baku during the month of Ramadan. Food must be eaten before the sunrise times listed, and after sunset times listed. As this is my first attempt at fasting for Ramadan, I think this is a great cultural aspect that many Peace Corps volunteers in Islamic countries attempt in order to better understand the culture. I'll try to keep you guys up to date about my attempt!


Timetable for Ramadan 2010

Ramadan

August-September

Subh

(Imsak)

Sunrise

Zuhr

Аsr

Maghrib

(Iftar)

Isha

1

11

05:29

06:47

13:49

18:15

20:59

21:28

2

12

05:30

06:48

13:49

18:14

20:58

22:27

3

13

05:31

06:49

13:49

18:14

20:56

22:25

4

14

05:32

06:50

13:49

18:13

20:55

22:23

5

15

05:34

06:51

13:49

18:12

20:53

22:21

6

16

05:35

06:52

13:49

18:11

20:52

22:20

7

17

05:36

06:53

13:48

18:10

20:51

22:18

8

18

05:38

06:54

13:48

18:09

20:49

22:16

9

19

05:39

06:55

13:48

18:09

20:48

22:14

10

20

05:40

06:56

13:48

18:08

20:46

22:12

11

21

05:41

06:57

13:47

18:07

20:45

22:10

12

22

05:42

06:58

13:47

18:06

20:43

22:08

13

23

05:44

06:59

13:47

18:05

20:42

22:06

14

24

05:45

06:59

13:47

18:04

20:40

22:05

15

25

05:46

07:00

13:46

18:03

20:39

22:03

16

26

05:47

07:01

13:46

18:02

20:37

22:01

17

27

05:49

07:02

13:46

18:01

20:36

21:59

18

28

05:50

07:03

13:45

18:00

20:34

21:57

19

29

05:51

07:04

13:45

17:59

20:32

21:55

20

30

05:52

07:05

13:45

17:58

20:31

21:53

21

31

05:53

07:06

13:45

17:57

20:29

21:51

22

1

05:54

07:07

13:44

17:56

20:28

21:49

23

2

05:56

07:08

13:44

17:55

20:26

21:47

24

3

05:57

07:09

13:44

17:54

20:24

21:46

25

4

05:58

07:10

13:43

17:52

20:23

21:44

26

5

05:59

07:11

13:43

17:51

20:21

21:42

27

6

06:00

07:12

13:43

17:50

20:19

21:40

28

7

06:01

07:13

13:42

17:49

20:18

21:38

29

8

06:03

07:14

13:42

17:48

20:16

21:36


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