Homesick for Azerbaijan

As of today I've been COS'd for 2 months (Close of Service= our official separation date from service in the US Peace Corps.) To be honest, it's felt like six months instead of two. There are a mix of things that are going well, and then those that still frustrate me beyond belief. As for the good, Farid has officially been recognized as a permanent resident of the US. He has a green card in hand now, a bank account, and a social security number. Waiting for these felt like an eternity, as it can be hard to prove you exist without any ties. He has started his job, and has even begun to learn how to drive. Yes, he passed his written exam for his drivers permit! We've had two big holidays with the family (Halloween and Thanksgiving) and have enjoyed spending time with family and some close friends.

One thing about being a Peace Corps volunteer that is really difficult for volunteers is that we give up so much when we go to our countries of service. We spend so much of our time talking about America, that it makes us miss the little things... washing machines, dish washers, hot showers on demand, hot showers daily, television in English, driving a car, and food, food, food! We begin to idolize how great life is in America. Like any place, once you leave and go somewhere else, you begin to forget the faults. I find I'm having a bit of "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome now that I'm back. I find I miss so many little things about Azerbaijan that I'm feeling frustrated adjusting to life in the US. I often feel out of place here now that I've spent so long overseas.

I miss the cheap fresh produce every day. I miss the rusty, old, ridiculously fast driving public transportation that took me anywhere I wished to go in the city for only .20 qepik. I miss having an apartment of my own where I was able to live without worrying about other people around us all the time. I miss having a job, a place to go where I feel valuable, and feel like my work is important and means something. I miss my boss and my counterparts at work. I miss having someplace to go every day. I miss my friends, who I could always count on hearing from someone every day whether Azerbaijani or site mate. I miss feeling connected to my community.

We haven't even been home for a full two months yet, but it feels like so long since that life. I find I am dreaming about Azerbaijan and people I knew there. It makes me realize that readjusting to life in the US means that I will have to adjust so much more than where I live and what I do on a daily basis. I'm still in the process of looking for a job that will even bring a fraction of joy and inspiration to my life the way that my Peace Corps job did. After having been gone for three years and four months, I find that America has changed so much since I left. The economy is worse than what I had heard, particularly in the area I'm in now. Many of the jobs that are available are in retail, and even those are competitive to get. Farid has had to take a position in retail, and on the dreaded grave yard shift in order to help us not completely drain our checking account. I've applied to a lot of different higher education institutions, and am hoping that even one in my area will pan out for me. Everyone keeps saying to be patient, but I don't like feeling useless. I've never been out of work this long before, it's a new experience for me.

Sometimes we here in America tend to think that life is so much better here than it is in other places. We have so much stuff, that we feel like we have the ideal lifestyle given the alternatives. Honestly, I felt, and still do, that life in Azerbaijan was more simple. It gave me a chance to learn to love my job, figure out what my passions are, and gave me a chance to enjoy life and everything in it. I'm feeling a little "homesick" for Azerbaijan.