Ramadan Days 9 and 10

I decided to take the day off of work yesterday, so I will combine the blog for yesterday and today. Yesterday was perhaps one of the best days yet in my experience. Since I didn't have to get up at 730 to go to work, I was able to sleep in a little more. That helped my mood immensely, and put me in the right mindset for the day. I made time for light exercise, and good stretching. I've felt so tense lately from the lack of water and proper sleep, that the stretching was really invigorating for me. I had time to clear my mind, and to find peace inside myself. I then had enough energy to clean the house, and visit with two of my site mates for the better part of the afternoon. Since I've been smarter in my eating habits, I wasn't even hungry when they ate lunch. That was a real surprise for me. However, the smell of watermelon does make my stomach act up. It's a nostalgic food, and that just can't be helped.

Farid and I talked a bit last night about Ramadan. We know that we won't be able to fast the whole month, as we are leaving for summer camp next week, and women traditionally break when their body changes cycles. We will more than likely fast up until the day camp begins, then stop when camp actually starts. This summer camp has such an intense schedule that it would be unpractical and borderline dangerous to fast while doing so much physical activity. Not to mention that I can't sleep in when I'm directing a camp, nor can I go to bed early. Therefore, we will have an 11 day break in the middle of Ramadan. We will resume the fast when camp is over on the 3rd, and may add the days to the end of Ramadan depending on our travel schedule back to the states.

Some days are better than others. Some days are so hard that I feel very close to giving up. I am 100% sure that the reason I've made it this far is my husband. This whole experience was my idea, and the fact that he is fasting to help me through the process just makes it so much easier for me. Yes my husband is Muslim, but that is not the reason I'm doing this. I've been living in Azerbaijan for three years, and each year I made excuses to exempt myself from Ramadan. But in reality, I'm ashamed to admit I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be able to do it. I was scared that it would mean people would think I was converting to Islam (as if this would be something terrible.) I was scared my family and friends might think strangely about me, or judge me for "going native." But I'm no longer scared. This year is my last chance. I don't know when I'll be back to Azerbaijan. It may be a very long time before I get the chance to spend Ramadan in a Muslim country again. Like spending December in a Christian country, Ramadan is a very special month. People are nicer to each other, people are more honest, there are more good deeds, and more love in the community. Part of the Peace Corps experience is to truly try to understand the culture, the life, and the people. Ramadan is a part of that experience that I have been missing.

Fasting is a real test of ones willpower to not be tempted when you are cooking for others, or for yourself. Have you ever tried to cook without tasting the food you are making after spending the previous 15 hours fasting? Guessing how much salt or seasoning something needs is an interesting experience. I also find that the parts that have been the biggest sacrifice for me were not what I had imagined... giving up water during the day, and waking up so early. Each day feels a little easier in some ways, and I still have moments where my stomach feels hungry. One of my students and I talked on Wednesday about the importance of fasting. She said that it's good for one to experience what it feels like to be hungry, to go without. It makes us more sympathetic to those who do not have the choice. Which prompted me to look up some information about hunger world wide.

As of today, no one really knows how many people in the world are malnourished. The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization measures "under-nutrition" and estimates that as of October 14, 2009 more than 1.02 billion people are under nourished. This has increased more than 346 million people since 2006. As a result of agricultural neglect, a worldwide economic crisis, and an increase in the cost of food for everyone, 15% of the world's population is going hungry*. Most of which are in developing nations. Azerbaijan is considered a developing nation. It is very easy to forget about these parts of the world. It is very easy to say "that's not America, you can't compare the two worlds" or "there's nothing I can do about it."

One of my favorite documentaries is called "Invisible Children." I first watched this video in my church collage group. After watching the video it made me want to join the Peace Corps to help more people in the world. Three years, 2 months later, here I am. I'm not sure if I've helped the world, but I've certainly learned a lot more about it. I've learned that I was pretty ignorant about a lot of things going on outside of America. It's easy to pretend that everything is fine and perfect when you are surrounded by so much excess, so much privilege. There are a lot of really great people in this part of the world. They a so similar to us in so many ways. They have dreams, they have goals, they have fears, they have needs, just the same as any of us do.

There are good and bad people in every part of the world, and no one person can represent an entire country or culture. I've been asked more times than I can count, "how do Americans feel about this..." or "what do Americans think about that?" How can I answer for more than 305 million Americans? I can't. But yet, sometimes we expect others to do the same, answer for "why do Muslims do this?" or "why do Muslims think that?" Every person is just that, a person, an individual. You can never fully understand a culture based on the thoughts or actions of a few people. Imagine how we would feel if everyone outside of America based their thoughts of America on what skin heads, or KKK members said and did. It would be a pretty skewed view of reality. The world really needs a lot more understanding about each other. Ramadan is one way that I can bridge the gap in understanding. It tests my patience and willpower, it tests my strength, commitment, and endurance. I am finally beginning to see that it truly is a sacrifice, and a very personal one.

(Disclaimer: Today's post is one of the rare ones in which I talk about my personal feelings regarding religion and politics around the world. As stated above, it is only my opinion, and does not represent the US Peace Corps, America, or Azerbaijan in any way. It's just one persons rambling thoughts about the world.)

*http://www.worldhunger.org/articles/Learn/world%20hunger%20facts%202002.htm